By Smaktakula

At Last! A Return To Blood Sacrifice!

In which we remark upon the headlines of articles we haven’t bothered to read, and pontificate upon a pontiff we know nothing about.¹

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Pope Francis starts first full day as pontiff with prayer ~ He’s the fucking pope–he’s pretty much obligated to start EVERY day off like that.

Your Wife Must Be So Proud.

US Catholics want a younger, more liberal pope ~ Yeah, we’ll bet they do.

Survey: Africans ready for African Pope ~ Yeah, we’ll bet they are.

It’s Time for a Queer-Friendly Pope ~ Yeah, we’ll bet…oh, we get it now–you’re  fucking with us. Good one! Our money’s on the African pope anyway.

There Is No Room In The Catholic Church For Homosexuality (Which We Strictly Interpret To Mean Sexual Relations Between Two Adult Males).

Pope’s Culture Club Masks Conclave Packed With Benedict’s Clones ~ Does this seem to you like a bunch of random words just sorta tossed together?

Which Catholic Church? ~ Ideally, the one that doesn’t bugger little boys.

Is the Catholic Church’s Future in Africa? ~ Unlikely. Africans aren’t any fonder of pederasty than anyone else.

Because Priests Like To Fu…You’re Right–We Should Have Stopped A While Ago. Apologies.

What Lies Ahead for Pope Benedict Post-Abdication ~ Pussy. Fathomless oceans of pussy stretching to the hither and yon, as far as the eye can see.

What? The Former Pope Is An Old Man, And It’s A Scientific Fact That Old People Like Cats. Real Mature, People.

¹And there, friends, is a great example of when to break the “don’t-end-your-sentences-with-prepositions rule.” But generally, try not to do that–it makes you sound dismueducated. ∞ T.