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Headlines 11.02.12
By Smaktakula Yeah, That’s Pretty Damn Easy For You To Say, But Real People Are Affected By This Tragedy. For One Thing, The Guy Who Lives There Owes Us $13.75! In which we showcase our unparalleled...
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Headlines 11.29.12
By Smaktakula We Admire Your Indefatigability, But It’s Been Almost Twenty-Six Years. He’s Gone. In which we comment on the headlines of the day without first bothering to read the stories. *** Money...
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Headlines 12.10.12
By Smaktakula Once A Staple In Grocery Store Check-Out Aisles Across The Nation, The Weekly World News’ Folksy Exaggerations And Fanciful Tales Were No Match For The Real-Time Prevarications And...
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Headlines: In Fact, Yes We Did
By Smaktakula “Yes, Bonnie–Mr. Clinton Is Aware Of Your Article. But The Former President Is A Very Busy Man, And We All Think It’s Best If Maybe You Don’t Call Any More.” In which we comment on the...
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Headlines: No Rod Unspared
By Smaktakula And They All Lived Happily Ever After. In which we opine on the headlines of the day without first bothering to read the articles. *** Ask E. Jean: My Husband is Sleeping with My Mother ~...
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Palm Sunday Papal Headlines
By Smaktakula At Last! A Return To Blood Sacrifice! In which we remark upon the headlines of articles we haven’t bothered to read, and pontificate upon a pontiff we know nothing about.¹ *** Pope...
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Headlines: When Pigs Float
By Smaktakula Ha! Tell Me About It. There’s A “Steve” Story About This Very Thing! Because we learn everything we need to know about the world from the headlines of the day! *** Police remove woman who...
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Headlines: Achtung, Maybe!
By Smaktakula This One Practically Writes Itself, Which Is Good, Because Mocking This Wretch Would Be Like Stealing Lunch Money From A Down Syndrome Kid. In which we champion the twin virtues of...
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Profiles In Dignity III: Wherefore Art Thou, Dignity?
By Smaktakula Four Walls And A Roof Make It A House. Love Makes It A Home. JUST LIKE CHOCOLATE AND PEANUT BUTTER, SAD & FUNNY ARE TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER! *** Look, We’re Not...
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Headlines: Why Not Miss Saigon?
By Smaktakula Much Like A Tramp-Stamp Which Reads “WHORE,” This Is A Great Example Of Truth In Advertising. In which we comment on the day’s headlines without first bothering to read the articles. ***...
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Headlines: Eat Like A Bird
By Smaktakula No, We’re Not Going To Use This As A Cheap Opportunity To Poke Fun At Nigeria. People Have To Live In That Lightless Hellhole, You Know. In which we comment on the day’s headlines without...
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Headlines: Badly-Named And Born To Kill
By Smaktakula His Crime? That Fucking Name. In which we celebrate our ignorance by commenting on the headlines of news stories we can’t be bothered to actually read. *** Only Children: Lonely and...
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Headlines: Get On Your Knees And Fight Like A Man
By Smaktakula How Conceited Are The Folks In South Haven?–They Clearly Believe Their Shit Don’t Stink. You can read the articles if you want. We didn’t. We’re just talking about the headlines. *** 11...
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Headlines: We’re Not Laughing, Ricky
By Smaktakula No Matter How Loudly We Trumpet Our Innocence, The Man’s Always Trying To Bring Us Down. In which we celebrate ignorance by responding to the headlines of news articles we have not...
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Headlines: Is There A Moose Under There?
By Smaktakula Be On The Lookout For This Adorable Sex Criminal. His Most Frequent Tactic Is To Leave A Chew-Toy In Plain Sight On The Sidewalk. Victims Foolish Enough To Bend Over To Pick Up The Toy...
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Headlines: Shaking And Stirred
By Smaktakula We Believe It Is Vitally Important To Treat An Issue With The Same Respect You Would Accord To Any Other Issue. In which we celebrate our awe-inspiring ignorance by commenting on the...
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Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
By Smaktakula We Quite Literally Regard It As Something Of A Miracle That The World Is Peopled By So Many Strange And Beautiful Creatures For Us To Poke Fun At. In which we talk a lot of shit. ***...
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Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
By Smaktakula “HEAD Lines.” Get It? Do You Get It? We’re In A Very Literal Place Right Now. *** Ass-Talking! Ignorance! Intellectual Laziness! In which we respond to real headlines without first...
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Headlines: In Which No Puppies Were Harmed Or Abducted
By Smaktakula The Real Question Isn’t Why We Don’t Bother To Read The Articles, But Rather, Why Everyone Else DOES? In which, armed with nothing more than a severely attenuated attention span and an...
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